Nineteen

After the grim realisation that Christmas was 2 days away, I realised that I should buy people presents, seeing as Christmas isn't Christmas without spending money you don't have on presents people don't want. This lead to another grim realisation that I have no money to buy said gifts. So I copied Neil's idea of cooking people their gifts. Great! Cheap, easy and the end product looks way better than any personal organiser or any other shit you would force upon your friends and family on this, the most overrated event in the calendar. Turns out I was wrong on all three counts


Neil's homemade marmalade opened my eyes to the fucking horrendous amount of sugar that goes into each pot of orange goodness. 800 grams of pure sugar is beyond belief. My waistline expanded just looking at it




I whisked this mixture of demerera sugar and some other shit BY HAND for 20 minutes. My arm ached like crazy. Only now can I appreciate the pain Lindsey Lohan goes through to get acting work. HAHAHA.... I've spent too much time on www.gofugyourself.com






This brownie mixture could be shown to everyone on earth, and every single one's first thought would be 'what kind of moron shits into a baking tray?'


Finished product. Fractionally less excremental


Flapjacks. Ignore the fact they look like people trampled them. They taste damn good


The cheesecake. Again, it looks gash. But it tastes immense. Put it this way. There aren't many savoury products I'd have sex with


And finally, the worlds worst biscuits. I feel like I am doing a disservice to McVites and Nestle by even calling them such. If Hepatitis could be interpreted in biscuit form, this would be the result


I feel as though if I was been examined on my cooking skills, the brownies, flapjacks and cheesecake would have scored a C+. Maybe even a B-. Including the biscuit monstrosities would bring my score down to an E